How to speak to kids & teens about the shootings
In the wake of the deadly shooting at a Florida high school, many parents are left grappling with how to explain this horrific act, at schools - where most children spend the majority of their time, to their children and teens.
1. Parents Should Initiate Conversation
National Child Traumatic Stress Network advises that in situations like this, it is "extremely important" for parents and caregivers -- especially those with children in high school -- to "be willing to bring this topic up."
Parents want to wrap their arms around their kids and make them feel safe. But part of being a parent is willingness to discuss difficult topics.
To believe that our children don't know that these events occur is wishful thinking. We live in an age where it's easy for them to go online and see a live feed of people leaving the school, of responders and it's updated every few moments. It's important for parents to recognize that their children are seeing things and starting the conversation is important.
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network suggests when kids come home, parents can start the conversation by asking, "There was a school shooting, this time in Florida, what did you hear about it?"
This may already be blowing up their social media, this may already be a conversation on the school bus. They further suggest that if you are watching the news with your children, turn it off and talk about the events calmly in order to get an idea of what they know, where they are coming from, and what misconceptions they may have already heard.
It is also critical to reassure children that parents and adults at their school "are going to do everything we can to make you safe."
2. Tweak the conversation based on your child's age
National Child Traumatic Stress Network emphasized that the conversation about the news should vary based on the age of your child.
When it comes to children preschool age and below, parents should limit their media exposure.
3. How to respond if your child doesn't feel safe going back to school
If your child or teen says they do not feel safe going back to school, the National Child Traumatic Stress Network emphasized that it is important not to invalidate their feelings, but to talk about them.
You can ask, "Tell me what it is that you're worried about? What it is that you don't feel safe about?"
Advisors at the Network added that you can reassure your child that "nowadays schools do have safety plans, and schools do practice shooting drills."
Some people are concerned about practicing these drills, but it's like fire drills, it doesn't make kids more scared that fires are going to break out, it makes students feel more secure that they have a plan in place.
The advisors at The Network feel it's important to check back in every other day to find out what their friends are talking about related to the school shooting. It is very important to get an understanding of how children are coping.
Furthermore, they advise that when there is a tragedy ... a one-and-done conversation is not sufficient. Let your child or teenager know that you really do care about them and are open to having this discussion.
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network asks parents to watch for signs of distress for a longer periods of time.
This may show up in problems with sleep, problems with attention and focus, and increased irritability.
The Network recommends that parents reach out to their school guidance counselor, a local psychological association or even their pediatrician for further help.
Click here for more info on the NCTSN
Be patient and supportive as children are trying to make sense of how something so horrific can happen at a setting where I go to be with friends, to learn.
